thank you so much guys. Soccer mom, i'm going to tell her that i feel abandoned and scared she doesn't care for me. i'm hoping this will be a way to start getting my feelings out about her, since i'm too embarrassed to say 'maternal transference' directly. but i hope she will catch on.

Bill, i'm feeling a bit better so glad i can be of help, i'm trying hard not to be stuck in my own head and think about others too