Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozonjo
New here, although I've been getting the newsletter.
I am a 62 yo man, who has developed a teenlike crush on a 23 yo woman who is involved in an organization that I work with. The feelings developed over about 6 months of interaction. I struggled for a month, then wrote her a confessional email, clearly saying that I knew it was absurd, and that I simply felt a strong need to tell her of my feeling. Well, this became somewhat of an organizational matter, and I have been banned from communication with this person except if task related. We have just had minimal interaction, friendly and non-malicious, but circumscribed.
The problem is that my feelings remain. I am not crazily obsessed or unbalanced by them; I gave managed to mellow a bit in some ways through my decades. I would like a way to attenuate these feelings, while admitting my strong craving to be sweet on someone with some reciprocal potential, maybe even who loves me. But I would not say that I have had these feelings many times in my life, but most of the times they have been equally misplaced, in various ways.
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Hi,
Sorry to hear of what you're going through. The same type of feelings that can bring such joy when in the right time and place are causing you such grief.
I can relate to what you're saying. It's quite painful, and sounds like you are suffering. This might sound too simple, or even silly, but it works for me. What I found helpful in a similar situation was to just NOTICE the feelings, do to judge them one way or another, just observe them. No 'shoulds' or berating yourself.
Don't 'try' to be rid of them, because that doesn't really work. Acknowledge that they are there. Allow them to be there. Feelings change, and they will.
Some CBT forms (they have them online) helped me also. It helps to allow the 'thinking' part of me to lead rather than the 'feeling' part. iCBT is an app I was told about and use sometimes when on the go and can't sit and write down thoughts. I've gone in the bathroom in an anxiety provoking situation and used it, lol!
The best way to forget these feelings or get over them is to stay busy. Stay occupied and distract, distract, distract yourself! I'm not sure if I could still be in the situation working near this person or not, as that might exacerbate things.
Stay healthy, and remember time heals and gives us perspective, as does space.
Take care of yourself, and best wishes!