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I realize I may have painted a poor picture of who he is as a person because I am harping on some of the negative things...
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I don't consider it
harping in that these are indeed issues that are important to you and to your health.
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We don't do this to each other now as it does nothing but cause harm.
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I wonder if there might be ways to make progress on those other issues you talked about, just like you did on the phones, without sacrificing what you hold so dear about him.