I'm new to this forum but have had my share of problems with alcohol. Most times I could control my drinking when I was out in public, but 2-3 nights a week, I'd buy a big bottle of wine and drink by myself at home. That's how women drink when they have a drinking problem.

When I was 40-41 I realized I couldn't go on like this. Didn't have any DUI's or other legal problems (yet) but was finding myself calling of sick more and more after my nights of binging at home alone.

I went to 1-2 AA meetings, got the Big Book, and was sober for about a week and a half. Six months later, I called the company's employee assistance program and spilled my guts to them about the drinking and they were able to put me touch with an outpatient rehab program. Was able to continue working and go to rehab 2 times a week after work.

Part of our rehabilitation was going to AA 3-4 times a week at the very least.

Only someone with a problem of drinking can understand sayings like "I was sick and tired of being sick and tired" and "I was scared to quit drinking and scared not to quit drinking."

I don't know if this is a brand new behavior (drinking so much over the past few weeks) or if you fall back on this when life gets squirrelly. My alcoholism started out as a crutch for scary times and an accessory when life was one big party.

It is scary - VERY SCARY - to wonder if you have a major problem with something, be it alcohol, drugs, smoking, overeating, depression. Be honest with yourself and keep communicating with us on this board.

Take care.