IG, I just saw this post. It takes time and I don't think emotions care about the clock. But could you set up a dummy account and send the texts there? I do think there's something about hitting "send" that works on an emotional level, that just writing and putting in a file doesn't do.

As far as transference, I think it can be a case of a difference without a distinction. All relational feelings include some element of transference. For me, it is the intensity exceeding the situation that indicates an imbalance, not a realness or not realness of the feelings themselves. Transference that's problematic seems to take away our sense of autonomy--we can't choose to alter the feelings, even if they cause us distress or bad consequences. "Love is blind" can be interpreted to mean an emotion that endures despite flaws; or it can be used to describe an intensity of love that is quite destructive and beyond our control. I think transference is much the same, but it doesn't dictate where on the continuum of "realness" it falls.

Certainly there was transference between my T and I. The aspects of it that temporarily gave it intensity--unbalance--were resolved. But there are certainly still benign aspects of transference in the relationship: he will always view me in some ways as an adult daughter, and I will always view him in some ways as a father. But those views are visible and within our control, rather than invisible and determining the intensity and direction of the relationship.