Thanks everyone for your support and kindness. I just feel like I'm trying to hang in there and its all for nothing. I wonder sometimes, well all the time, why I am even here. I just don't feel there is a reason for me to be here, I don't feel I have any purpose. I am not doing anything for anyone, nobody needs me, I don't have kids to raise, I'm not close with my remaining family members and my bf is sick of me and we barely have a relationship. I am alone most of the time. Again, I wonder what I'm doing here still. It is very hard to keep going when you feel there is no reason to keep going. I don't know, I don't feel I will ever get out of this mess that is my life. I just don't.