I feel like I am suffocating. I am in talks to move out of my group home next month. This process alone is frustrating because nobody supports me leaving. Not staff, not my therapist, not even my case worker. My other worry is my boyfriend my case worker won't even help me if he moves in with me. Can she do that? My boyfriend's protective of me, gentle towards me and loves me very much. He's also homeless, lies, fights,smokes weed, can be violent and steals food and alcohol. He influences me to do things I never thought I would ever do. (Like public sex)
He constantly pushes me to have sex and I'm not going to lie it is flattering, I can't do it where I live.
He even had me hide him overnight twice. I didn't like it. I have been with him for four days straight and while I love him, I have never been more happy to get a break from him. I can't tell him that though. He's very sensitive and highly emotional. He wants me to help him and I want to but I struggle with schizoaffective disorder depressive type,personality disorder NOS,OCD,EDNOS and hallucinations. So I have my own problems and all this just overwhelms me and makes want to cry, only I can't. Not physically. Not even a tear. So instead I think of violent thoughts about people. To help clear my head, violent music. On the outside I'm as polite and sweet as usual. On the inside I'm a time bomb. Ticking away.