I'm not sure where this fits as far as the forums go. I was thinking here for some reasons. I have been doing things that are out of character.... I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type as one of my diagnoses; the others are panic, ocd, bpd, ptsd. I've started drinking again, smoking pot again at a party and then they brought out some coke; which instead of turning down I took half a line... I also met someone in person whom I talked to online... he didn't turn out to be a total creep so I guess I am lucky. Making plans with other people to party with some more... And tonight I was talking to some other guy I have talked to for a while and am waiting for him to show up; we were going to get together and do something like a date I guess but now he's supposed to be coming over and we're going to maybe booze it up some but the primary thing was having casual sex.... this is soo not me.... I don't know why I am acting like this... Does anyone else have any insights? Also I haven't felt really hungry since doing the coke like I haven't really had a meal since thursday. Friday I felt down all of a sudden I don't know if it was that I have too much time to think or what. I just know that I was hysterical and was confused. My emotions were just crazy; it was like I hit a brick wall. I called the warmline here in maine. I mean I know I'm kind of lonely but it doesn't seem like that should be an excuse so....I am a 23 year old female. I am disabled. I don't know what else is pertinent that would help come to a decision.... so ask away. Thanks for any advice you may have.