Wow.... you really lucked out by refusing to take their offer to be an employee. That all sounds really awful. And, that's crazy (but I totally believe it!) that you almost didn't get your budget approved because one manager didn't like another one! Office stupidity at its best. Seriously, it sounds insane over there! And once again, I don't understand how the real world ever actually works... it seems amazing that anything ever gets done.

I'm sorry the job is causing you that much stress, and taking up that much mental space. That sounds really frustrating . It seems like that's how it always goes - you're in a stressful job/situation, you want to find something better, but the stress itself makes it ten times as hard! It's so unfair!

Does the report have to get done this weekend? Is there any way to realistically limit your hours? Would that even help, or would it still be stressful enough to not make it worth it?

Hmmm it sounds like you've got a lot of other things on your plate, besides the job?

I'm trying with the info my boss wants. But, I'm really feeling pretty crappy these days, and am really... I don't know? Unmotivated? Distracted? Depressed? I'm finding that the hours slip by, and I don't get much done. So, I'm trying to do more late at night (just finished a little bit now, at 11:30) - but it's really slow going. I'm slogging through it. And, I don't think I've even started the important section yet.

He really shouldn't have me doing this. I'm not sure if this is what he had in mind, but I'm trying to include things about the business itself (size, branding, revenues, competition) - and it's just drudgery and stuff I'm not good at (I'm not business-oriented). I get lost trying to keep it all straight, fact check, figure out what articles are referring to the parent company versus the company we're working with (with the same name, of course!). Ugh... I really hate it.

I guess it's a consolation that whatever happens, I'm sure my boss will be OK with it. I just need to get it wrapped up. I don't want to spend time over the weekend doing it, and I have to go in to the office tomorrow for a demo of some technology related to this project.

Lots of ice cream and chocolate and cheesecake to get through this and none of my clothes are fitting now. Argh!

Aha! Thanks for the tip with dealing with my mom, that makes so much sense! I'm not going to let it worry me for now, I think, since she clearly doesn't want to plan (as evidenced by her inability to tell me what actual days she'll be here!).

It was interesting, I mentioned it to my therapist this week, and was trying to explain to him that I just can't wrap my head around the way she communicates - the fact that not only can she not give me the dates, but she didn't even mention the month ("oh, the reunion is the weekend of the 17th"). Who does that? Even if we talked about it before, how hard is it to write the name of the month, to make sure it's clear?

His response was that with her, it's all about "me me me me me" - and she's selfish!

It sounds so silly, but honestly, I hadn't put that together before. It was a little "Aha!" for me, and helps me make more sense of her actions.

The retainer idea is interesting... I'll have to think some more about that. I guess if I had more energy right now, it would be really good to try to find some freelance or volunteer work, to see how that would play out for me. But, like I said, my brain feels like mush right now - this project I'm doing should not be taking this much effort, energy, or time... I'm just so blah feeling, it's hard to get through. Not sure I'd be able to handle adding something else important on top of it!