Great question!

In my everyday life I notice guys who are attractive and besides an initial "wow" sensation, it fades either because I remember I am not in their "league"physically or they aren't nice/attentive or interesting beyond animal attractiveness.

However, if any guy, especially one not classically handsome, is attentive and funny with me I get a huge rush of attraction. I have big self esteem issues and probably don't recognize mutual sparks, even when they are there. I miss all the cues.

My CBT T has been intoxicating to me because I've rarely had an attractive guy act caring and attentive towards me. I know it can never be "real", I just want to enjoy it while I can.