I initially chose a therapist because I was on a budget - I didn't research anything about what type of therapy they specialize in. I went to her for an anger management issue (because I thought that's what I needed). After I told her why I was there, she said "I don't think you have anger management issues" and I wanted to let her have it right then and there. She made such a quick judgment from what felt like a few minutes of discussion - Of course I did not return. I know they're professionals and studied (well, they're supposed to be), but I felt that she invalidated what goes on in my mind every day. It's like telling somebody, you don't feel your arm burning....and your arm is actually on fire!!
I don't think she told me what she thought I had and I can't remember if I asked 'well, then what the hell do you think I have?" That left such a bad feeling, I didn't want to continue looking because I was afraid that I'd encounter the same.

My mother was also a strict parent -single parent. She was very judgmental - I wouldn't doubt she has BPD - she's mellowed out with age, but she is the main source of my triggers - I have to work very hard to not lose it with her. I feel guilty when I feel angry with her. But, I struggle more when I'm angry with her for a legitimate reason -

Like you Little Lost, I was also raised catholic - so I can DEFINITELY agree with your feelings. My mother invalidated my anger or emotions as a child and would use guilt (just like in the church) to change my behavior. You can imagine the conflict in my thinking when I'm feeling angry at my mother for X reason...and I'm feeling guilty for being angry at my mother, because you should love they mother and thy father. And then turn it back again on myself, "well then I must be a bad person for being angry at my mother...."
Such a conflicting view - like you said no grey area - black or white - good or bad, but no in between.