One thing I've found about pushing people away, usually they're sad that you've pushed them away and if you "approach" them again and ask for help they jump at the chance to help you. Some of it's just our perception. Some others are a little bit "thick" :-) and don't even realize they've been pushed away. My husband's clueless that way sometimes, keeps working to make me laugh and enjoy something with him. I bet if you ask your boyfriend he won't agree that you're "ruining his life." Hope you find a little pleasant spot in your life today.