I'm still having an issue with something that happened about 9 months ago between me and my T. I've brought it up but I never told her the extent to which it bothered me. I was afraid if I told her really how I felt, she would withhold more or be annoyed. Last session she asked me why I wanted to hold onto it. I said I can't help it. She said it's a choice. She used to completely allow texting, told me to text anytime and I even asked if I was overstepping boundaries. Then, she increased the boundaries when I admitted transference because she was afraid she wouldn't truly understand my texts and could respond in the wrong way. Intellectually, I get it. But, I went from feeling special since she only texted a few clients to feeling like I did something wrong - admit feelings and you'll be punished.

So, I've decided that Monday we are going to have a funeral for the issue. I'm going to give my eulogy about why it bothered me so much - ALL the feelings and then put it in the past. It's hurting my trust with her and it was really early in our relationship. And, it's hurting me more than it's hurting her. Finally, it's affecting how I interact with her now - I'm always worried I'm annoying her when I text her even if for an appt change.

I think sometimes we just have to move on and look to the future.