I completely feel the same way i had a huge realization two nights ago like wow this has been going on forever. I just learned that i was bi polar so to know how long i have had it un diagnosed looking at the past and my cycles was a smack in the face. One hand it was relieving to know that not all the times i was out of control and had total disregard for people in my life were 100 % me but a disease i have instead. On the other hand it was like omg i have a problem how the heck do i fix it where do i go from here. Yes i am seeking help but then i look at my partner and i feel the same way. I am constantly messing our relationship up not thinking just doing. He takes it personally and being "normal" well i guess i wold to and its hard to separate i did it maliciously from no she meaning me has a problem. I know i cant blame every action on my bipolar and i don't want him to either. I just want a balance. I don't want my partner to tip toe around me and worry so much. I fear by asking him to be strong for me knowing he has his own anxiety issues i am slowly ruining the good person he is. I tell him to leave a lot and its not because i want him to i love him so much. I am just sick of hurting him and having nothing but a big fat oh im sorry im bipolar my meds aren't working forgive me..... ahhh its exausting. I love my kids to and i also feel like my moods effective them and i worry no matter how hard i try im going to mess them up some how to. I would never leave my kids ever but sometimes the idea of being a nomad and never staying in place never getting to close to hurt anyone seems like a good solution.