Thanks, Sky and Direction, for your insightful and balanced responses to my thread.
I do realize that I am in a state of being the least Christian in thought that I've ever been in my life, though I still retain the essence of the beliefs, I think.
This being Father's Day, I am recently having the realization that my relationship with my father has a lot to do with my rather unique and rebellious stance in matters of faith. My dad was a "devout" Christian, a depressed man, quiet and exceedingly humble, obsessed with his Fundamentalist faith and equally obsessed that I embraced it. He never touched me, never talked to me, never gave encouragement or love, and the one thing that got his approval was my joining the church at age 12. This is painful to reveal, and I realize this is the stuff for a therapist's office, and probably not here.
15 years ago, when he was dying of cancer, I would drive two hours to his home to take him to church, a Fundamentalist church, where on the last time I took him and my mother (who, like me, didn't embrace his fervor for religion), the congregation got in a frenzy and got down on their knees praying in front of me and mom for our conversion and salvation. My mom and I had driven separately to the church, and left together, at which time I told Mom..."I can't do this anymore!" and she agreed. I was STILL trying to win his approval!
So, I DO realize that the absence of a father, his obsession with his faith, has a lot to do with my cynical stance on religion. At the same time, I have my own belief system which is probably a combination of Humanism and Christianity.
I apologize for posting my controversial views here. At the same time, I think there is a place for it in the Spiritual forum.
Patty