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Old Apr 09, 2015, 06:21 PM
musinglizzy musinglizzy is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,497
I had a session with my T today. I didn't think of it until just a little while ago.... I think I'm afraid of being judged. I know it's not their job to judge us, in fact, it's probably their job NOT to. But, they're human, just like the rest of us, and it comes with the territory. She was trying to get me to talk about memories today, and I was, or, I thought I was. I was answering her questions...elaborating if there was anything to elaborate on, but she got the impression I didn't want to talk about it. I told her I would talk about it, no problem. I guess I just didn't know what to say, you know? Feels like everything that needs to be told already has. I know she says we need to talk about it over and over again to make peace with it, but frankly, I'm getting bored talking about it. Not bothered, not emotional, but bored. I can talk about the trauma without getting emotional about it, it doesn't bother me. BUT...I guess at the same time, her words made me realize today perhaps I'm not talking about it as much as I THINK I am.

I do not take blame for these stories. I don't feel like it's my fault. I don't think I even, for most of them, feel embarrassed (yes, there are some embarrassing stories, but I've Emailed those to her instead of told her in session). Actually, talking about these memories is the easy part for me. Why? Because I didn't do anything wrong. I know that. So why do I care if I'm being judged somehow? I think that's the only way to put it.

I never felt judged by my T before. I do now because she raised some boundaries recently, and it's my thought that she had to have judged me, somewhat, to raise those boundaries. My sessions lately are rather boring, and I didn't think of it till she said it...maybe I'm not talking as much. But I feel like I am. I'll have to pay more attention to that.
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