I'm having a really hard time grieving from the loss of my mother. All I care to do is cut, or something worse. I haven't, though, which I guess is good. Yesterday I was walking home and thought about flinging myself down a hill to see if I'd make it. I just want to be with my mother. Ya know? I know cutting would feel so good, but I don't think my mother would want that for me. I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.