I need to share with the other ladies.

The very beginning of my relationship set up expectations. It started off such a whirlwind. Romantic text messages, constantly saying we missed each other and couldn't wait to see each other, hot and heavy with intimacy....I posted before about changes, and the whole sex thing I can deal with.

But I'm feeling soooo insecure about how he really feels about me. He always says he loves me. But lately I've been feeling like it wouldn't matter to him if he didn't see me. I talked about these fears on Friday with my sponsor but I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it.

It comes down to see my old behavior in him. In the past, I was always the one who got to a place in relationships where I could take it or leave it if I saw the guy etc. But now I'm feeling that with my boyfriend. He loves playing video games and listening to his music. It feels like he's always waiting for me to leave so he can do these things.

I haven't talked with him about this yet, so I might be way out in left field.

Yesterday morning, I woke up so agitated.....he had rolled over and fallen asleep the night before just out of the blue. He woke up a couple hours after me and I was all ready to leave; I had to get to a meeting. The way things were left sucked. He wasn't angry at me but I was so agitated when I said goodbye to him.

Long story short, I took my computer to my friend's place yesterday afternoon hoping he could fix it. It took a LONG time. It was coming up on about 8pm and I told my boyfriend it would still be awhile. I was gonna stay at his place last night. I asked him how late would be too late and he said he didn't know. I got the feeling that it was already too late.

My friend and I gave up on my computer at about 10:30 so I sent my boyfriend a text and he had fallen asleep....I didn't get to see him at all. Its the first night I haven't gotten to see him.

I got soooo upset. Pretty much cried myself to sleep. These fears that he doesn't care if he sees me, that he's into his games.....its bringing up fears from the past, that my mom felt about my dad, that he cared more about his music then about her (in that case he did). I don't want my mom's life.

I guess my fear is that I'm right about all this and that I'll have to leave. I refuse to be in a relationship where I take second place to video games or sports or what have you.

For me, it would never be too late. If he was supposed to be at my place and something happened and he couldn't get there till 2am, it wouldn't be too late.

Men and women are SO different!!! My friend fixing my computer said that yeah, they like their little escapes, and yeah, if something happens and we're busy, the men are like, Alright!!!!! I've sacrifised my pool playing and just about everything to spend time with him. But maybe thats the wrong thing to do. See, maybe I set up an expectation in him that I'd drop everything to spend time with him.

Ooooh I don't know ladies. He knows I'm in a lot of fear and he knows we're gonna talk about this. He knew all this yesterday....and then still said it was too late. So I'm still in all the agitation and fear because I haven't been able to talk to him about all this.

I'm hoping today we can talk. I almost feel like he was avoiding the discussion last night.

I just had to get all this out, but I don't have his side yet. This is all just my side of the street, so it could come out that all my fears are totally unwarrented. I guess my question to all of you is....am I the only one who's ever gone through this?

Oh, edited to add that in the beginning on the weekends, he always stayed up till at least 2am. He even said he always stays up late on the weekends. Then he has to go to bed at 11pm last night, so THAT put more fear in me. And he had slept at my place untill 11am yesterday morning....so I just couldn't believe he was already tired enough to sleep. He sent a text at 1am saying he couldn't sleep, got that this morning. He's still not up.

Am I just crazy girls???? Give me the tough love if you need too; I can take it.