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Harley326 · Apr 09, 2015, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00

"He said that he feels like he doesn't make me happy." A man that loves you wants too see you happy and HE may be HURT inside that he feels he fails at this. You can't sit here and tell me that after 10years and him being with you through it all that he hasn't made "a depressed person" happy. Doesn't he deserves some credit? Which maybe he was reaching out trying to get from you?

He does deserve credit and I've given it to him. I haven’t been cutting, I haven't been burning myself, I haven't tried to kill myself. Not in a long time. I told him all of that when he first brought up how he was feeling. How am I supposed to tell him that I don’t want him to leave because I'm afraid of what I'll do without him? How is that not guilting him into staying? "If you leave, I'll be miserable and start burning again." I told him I loved him. I told him I wanted to be with him. I told him I didn’t want to leave. We lived at his parent's house (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I killed our savings and our credit when I went manic.) - I had to be the one to leave. I don't want him to stay with me because he makes me not hurt myself. I want him to want to. I won't be his burden or that wall he hits when he feels like he could go so much farther. I've brought all of my **** into his life and it's not fair for him to have to carry me just because it would make me happier. I can't make it any clearer on that front. He makes me happier than any other person in my life. He makes me want to live for him. He makes me think twice when I want to self-harm. I already told him all of this when I went back yesterday. That's why he initially said we'd work it out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00

You say you won't beg, and maybe he was looking for a show that you wanted to stay. After 10 years with this man that I can almost assume has treated you well and been there for you through everything by reading your words that maybe he has a right to want to see that from you. How can you be so stubborn to hide those feeling from him despite the clear loyalty that has been shown?

It may be stubbornness, but it's a stubbornness born out of self preservation. I'm sick and tired of baring my soul for it to be crushed into a million pieces. I have been there for him. It wasn't a one-sided relationship. I even asked if he wanted to go to a therapy session with me. Initially, he said yes. Then, today, he wasn't sure about things. I told him I'd try to get on more medication and try harder to get to the bottom of what's wrong with me so that I could explain things better to him. It's not a conscious clamming up. It just happens. And, btw, his "clear" loyalty hasn't always been so clear. Yeah, we've been through fluctuations before and worked through them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00

I'm not saying you are in the wrong, but from reading your text, he is not either. He should feel open in discussing his emotions as well and as his wife/girlfriend or what you consider yourself after a decad should be there to help HIM feel better just as has for you over the many years together.

HE WON'T TALK TO ME. He doesn't know how he feels. He doesn't know what's wrong. He doesn't know what I did to make him feel this way. How am I supposed to fix something I don't even know what is? How am I supposed to help him when he's closed himself off just as much as I did in reaction to his bombshell? I try opening up. I talked about what I could do. I talked about what we could do. I talked about everything I could think of. I kept trying to get him to talk. He wouldn't. He just didn’t know ANYTHING.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00

You throw this away as easy as you are and you may highly regret it one day. The man thats been there through it all, held your hand through good and bad, showed you love and loyalty for 10 years IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunnyhunny00

Men like this don't just come around and they are very rare. If he says he doesn't feel the same, make him remember why he fell in love with you. It's work yes, but anything worth your time and love will always take work. But it's damn worth it.

I agree with you, but if I'm the only one talking about changing things, then how is that right? I have to completely change myself to fit this person he now wants to be with, while he changes nothing? He wouldn't agree on one thing that he was willing to change. It was all about me doing this and me doing that and I was willing to do it. Up until he came home from work today with the biggest look of regret on his face that I'd ever seen. I gave him his kisses and his love and his cuddling last night. I spent every moment with him yesterday and today that I possibly could. It wasn't enough. How do you make someone who fell in love with an outgoing, fun-loving person, fall back in love with a bipolar, anxiety ridden, depressed 24 year old? I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. Now, I'm about as far from outgoing as you can get and our ideas of fun are in two completely different stratospheres. He wants to go out to the bar all the time. I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend my night. I understand why he left me, I just don't want it to be true.