I'm lost. This is going to be a long post, but I beg you to read this. I need guidance.

Hello, my name is Christopher and I'm 18 and I'm lost.

Let me start off with my childhood, I grew up without my father due to drug abuse and I had a stepfather who stepped in. My childhood was filled with witnessing domestic violence, cheating, and mental abuse which was thrown at me. I was the kid who did really well in school and behaved in public but at home I was an emotional wreck, I argued a lot, cried, hypersensitive, and just overall a distraught child. I use to be hypersexual.. I was thinking of sexual activity at the age of 7 and I was never sexually abused.

As I grew older I began to just become more depressed, but always was a star student and a good person in the public eye. The majority of my teen years I would sleep and was just generally exhausted & unhappy with everything around me.. I always felt like the black sheep and that no one understood me..

At age 16 when I left my parent's home due to the fighting with my stepdad and moved to my aunts, I began to explore with painkillers.. I was addicted to pain killers for 1 1/2 years (I am sober now) and that were the years I felt most like myself.. if that makes anysense. I felt manic, ontop of the world. The pain killers gave me energy and stablized my mood.. I felt like I was OK

I got off pain killers 3 months ago and I'm a wreck. It's not even due to the painkillers.. I don't have cravings and I do not want them.. I think, I numbed my symptoms for 2 years and now that I can't numb them they're over boiling.

Right now I am:
Depressed
Sometimes I feel dettached form reality when I'm alone
I argue with everyone
I don't think before I speak
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy and am trapped in my mind


I'm seeing a therapist and a psych in the next week and I'm just worried what they'll say.. Does this sound like you? Do I have bipolar or am I battling something else?

Please, give me advice and help.. What should I do?

Btw: i take care of myself physically, I'm a vegan, I don't eat gluten, all organic and I run.