Ok. So at this point, what the hell. (Can't seem to change my mood indicator, as it's no longer there to change - but I am not 'mellow.')

There are some people, in my life, or on the periphery, that like to mock and deride every single thing I say and everything thing I feel. Apparently I am not allowed to feel. I am just an object.

I am fed up with it. Either I am being too weirded out and I am CRAZY, or it's Much Ado About Nothing. I feel like saying 'can't have it both ways.'

So, yeah, just frustrated. Not allowed to go through 1 day of life without being misunderstood. What I say, what I feel, what I am going through. Either they no longer care (very possible) or they are sick of hearing it.

I am sick of saying it. I am sick of trying to explain the unexplainable. I am sick of trying to and failing so miserably that it just digs my hole deeper.

Nevermind people that think all this is some thing I do for kicks in my spare time. That is, go through panic attacks, severe anxiety, and isolate myself. Thank God I am not the angry type. Though an occasional vent (like this) isn't outside normal bounds for me.

Yeah, feel like a stray breeze could be the one that sends me over the edge in to a dark, black mood, that I know from long experience will send me in to a tailspin of reliving the past again and again, wishing somehow I could change it.

But I am the guy that lies awake at night and counts his sins. All of them. Ever.