We have had a rough road and I had started to think maybe therapy was helping me.

Yesterday I had to email about needing to change my appointment. I felt completely OK about it. There was no big crisis, I didn't need anything from T at that point.

But back down that slippery slope of my reaction to not having a response from T. This was happening a lot previously and I stopped emailing and therefore didn't have these swings.

I felt OK yesterday, but today I can hardly contain myself. It is literally driving me insane.

I'm trying all the strategies I know, but they are not working. I so hate when I get like this. I have never told me T and know that I just can't, it feels too frightening, I have no idea why, but it just does.

I am wondering about transference stuff, being ignored was a familiar thing for me as a child, but at the moment I don't see the point into entering into a therapeutic relationship, that just gives me those same experiences.

I have just been for a long walk with my ipod and felt more peaceful.

But my question now is why on earth am I putting myself through this, yes back with the I quit mentality, I guess right now I have lost faith in the process.