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Originally Posted by _Mouse
I'm really not sure. I think therapy can increase the urge whilst the works being done.
Focusing on self harm gives one a better understanding perhaps of why they do it, but that doesn't automatically stop the urge.
I struggle with this myself. I don't really have an answer
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I'm hoping the urge will reduce. I understand I self harm when my emotions get too much and I want a way out of them. What I dislike is the constant images of self harm that I have to wade through everyday. I'm hoping once I get a few months self-harm free I won't have the urges/needs even when doing therapy work - I wonder if this is unrealistic?
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Originally Posted by SoupDragon
I assume the theory is that be engaging in therapy, we deal with the stuff that trggers the emotions and learn to notice them without reacting to them. Mine has improved, but not perfect yet.
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My therapy is the opposite way around, she won't look at processing the stuff that's causing the self harm until I stop the behaviour. It seems backwards to me, but she seems pretty adamant about it.
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Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987
I have accepted that it is most likely going to be something I always have in my life. We don't focus on it in therapy because I'm not interested in stopping. I am okay with keeping it in my life. I don't think it is a big deal. Most everyone has some unhealthy coping skill and as long as it doesn't interfere with day to day functioning or get too severe I am not worried about it.
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I used to think this too, and I can understand why you feel that way. I don't see self harm as an issue, and I certainly don't think any differently if I knew someone was cutting vs having a drink in the evening. But I've been told that if I don't stop self harming then there isn't much point in doing therapy as I won't be able to process anything. It's like taking a short-cut out of distress. At least that's the reason I'm now focused on it, before I simply wanted to stop as it was a pain having to hide scars, or behaviours.
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Originally Posted by precaryous
I discovered self harming when I was ten. I did it off and on through my adulthood.
I was able to stop about twenty years ago: my PrevT (whom I adore) told me that if I did not stop she would not see me any more. I had to decide which I wanted more- PrevT or harming.
I don't think I did it perfectly but I stopped harming.
Looking back, I don't know if PrevT was bluffing. I don't think so. It was manipulative of her, for sure.
I think I coped by leaving many, many voicemails for her describing different hurts and anxieties that I was having...instead of self harming. (This was before I had a computer or email privleges with her.)
A year or so later I tried self harming again..but it didn't do the same thing for me anymore.
I hope this helps you.
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This is really helpful thank you! That is a good incentive - quite like mine that I want to move forward and I can't finish therapy unless I stop self harming. I'm a little worried about emailing my therapist as much as I want to. I try not to because I think I'd be irritating, and I don't trust her yet to not get a backlash from it. I feel I need some additional support sometimes, but that might be an excuse. I'm glad you went through the same sort of thing and had the same compulsion - I thought it was just me!