((((Supanova))))

OMG I have been EXACTLY where you are and said and did the same stuff. Oh honey. It sucks so bad. I am so sorry you are here. **** the normal people who don't get it and even worse the ones who think they do. You are totally right it is a brain illness not a mind illness. Very wise. And **** the people who say they'll help and then don't. They never get it. You have us. You have this place. Come here and stay here until this passes. Stop thinking about all those people letting you down. I have BEEN there. It just keeps it going. I know you say you aren't depressed but this is BIPOLAR at its most bipolarness. I was severely triggered by journals. It was awful. Not quite in the same way. **** made me cray manic or exacerbated it or whatever and I became obsessed with my old college life. Sigh.

I am sooooo impressed by you. You are amazing. You are fighting soooo hard and it is inspiring to me and it brings tears to my eyes. I know when I get to this place again I will think of this thread and you and how you fought it and will make me stronger. Thanks for putting it all out here and letting us share.

Oh and I totally started smoking during my last episode. And I didn't do it because I liked it. I did it because I wanted to ya know. It was a silent invisible thing I could do to myself. Sigh.

Hang in there. You can do it. For real. And we don't say that as friends or family or therapists. We say that as your tribe. As people who have been cut from the same cloth. As people who have walked these same tightropes of hell. And unlike those other losers we KNOW it isnt ****ing easy. In fact it feels pretty damn impossible. And that's what makes us so badass. We do the impossible.

You're one of us and you can survive this.

The most dangerous thought for us is the one that tells us that the good days aren't worth the pain of the bad days. But that isn't true. Life is worth it. Love it worth it. French fries are worth it. And we have to hold on to that. We have to because we have to because we have to. And that is just our golden rule.

You seem like you are doing everything right. Damage control this. Circle your own wagons. Do whatever it takes. Lie on your bathroom floor in the dark with your iPod in your ears with a good song on repeat. Um or maybe that's just me.

Fight it!!! Keep going! Keep yourself safe. And keep talking to us. We're here.