Thanks for your replies.

I know the "adult" thing to do, is to be cool about this, as you suggest send T a reminder, maybe they missed it, too busy, etc. That T is probably not prioritising replying because they have other stuff going on and I will get a reply in good time (the next session was supposed to be in 4 days time).

But what I am sitting with just now, is if this is something that is being triggered from my childhood, why can't I conclude that this is just not helping me and quit. If my interactions with T are feeling confusing and at this point feel damaging, what is the point in continuing? How is continuing going to help this issue?

I am also wondering if my feelings are in response to something that was said in session this week, that if I am struggling (we talked about some heavyish stuff) that T would be around and would respond to any emails asap. What if this email wasn't just a rescheduling one, what if I was needing support? To wait like this would be torturous.

Are insecure attachment issues (someone once said this is what I am) cured by putting the client in the position where they feel really insecure and to discover that it is no big deal, nothing will happen, T will still be there eventually, or is it about re-living that childhood with a T and having real consistency, solid support, "re-parenting" until that development has been re-booted.

Maybe I am expecting the impossible, but I am wondering whether my life would be better, just working (I usually function OK in that area of my life), being with my dogs and not looking for deeper relationships with anyone.

When do we say this is as good as it is going to get?

I really still do not understand my (over) reaction to this. I can sit with it, but I certainly am not enjoying feeling it.

I have been in relationships in the past, which were abusive but I stayed in them, part of me is wondering if I am just repeating that pattern or is that also transference? Ahhh! So confused right now.