Hi arizonagreentea, what you've written there more than vaguely reminds me of myself. I'm 21 and still a virgin and the main reason for that is because I always felt guys were either way out of my league or I out of theirs. I never met anyone I felt was exactly on my level or whatever you wanna call it. Yes, this type of thinking does make me feel like a *****. I really don't mean to be though.
I've also never been able to feel any kind of physical attraction towards a real person either. I've had fantasies, sure, and I've even imagined myself having sex with "someone" but never anyone specific. I don't know what that makes me either.
I really wish I knew what the answer to this is but unfortunately I still haven't figured it out myself. I actually just 3 days ago got into a relationship and even with my now boyfriend I can't imagine myself having sex. Yet. I do think that maybe a closer emotional attachement might be the answer. I want to give this a go, just to see what happens. I hope you find a way to at least try to work through these issues, I know first hand how paralyzing this can be.