today we went to our t appt and told her everything that was going on. who's who and that we're all here. she didn't ridicule or disbelieve us. she said it made things make more sense and that no wonder i have no interest in having a job or anything... i've got bigger fish to fry!
the last appt she asked what my therapy goals were and i said i didn't know. so then today we all worked together (so proud of us) and everyone got equal chance to speak and we were able to basically be like... "integration!"
she was like "that sure is a goal!" haha it just felt so nice to air it all out for once and be believed and it was just such a surreal moment, being at the doctor's and not being terrified!
i felt like a nervous parent before the school play... everything's in place and ready and it'll all be okay and as long as you remember that it's ok but it's so easy to get caught up in the what ifs
"what if we forget what we're doing!"
"what if half of us freak out as soon as it starts and run away!"
"what if we pee our pants!!"
it was all okay though and my t is referring me for diagnostic testing (psych ones and learning ones and all that) which will maybe motivate someone to gimme a hand getting on disability since going through the system the normal way takes forever and unfortunately capitalism tells me i need money to survive
but otherwise woohoo today was good
we also created a code for all of us to live by, and decided to base our system on honour. honour for ourselves and each other and that denying another part's reality isn't what this system is about. it was created for a good purpose and just needs to be guided back to that.
one part of the code is being open and upfront about all our feelings and concerns so that there's no time for it to fester into judgement and criticism. that reminders and advice is just that... reminders and advice.

party