i feel very far away from that. in my mind i say yea i can do it but yet my actions and my illness is speaking theough my actions like *no you cant*. so im very scared what would happen right now if i lost it. i have so much hope for myself. but i only have hope. im still very scared. very much scared. i have means to provide for myself. i still have very little schooling and very little knowledge of the real world and how to actually interact.
ive come across the big burst of knowledge recently but thats all it is is a big burst of knowlegde. its really nothing yet.

im still very much scared.
very much so.
i couldnt make it on my own.
i know i couldnt.