I feel like the transference for me has helped realize some things about my parents and childhood and how they affect who I am now. I've been seeing my individual T for over 3 years now, my marriage counselor off and on for close to 2. Sure, I've talked about various childhood things with T (and a bit with MC), but it wasn't until I started feeling the erotic and paternal transference for MC maybe 4-5 months ago that I *really* started delving into those issues. Well, OK, once I actually admitted the transference first to my T, then to my MC, which have been in the past 2 months.

I've talked with my MC individually twice to address it, and in my sessions with my T. In those discussions, I've come to realize and understand so much. It's like I had to go through having the intense transference to help unearth those feelings. I've felt so much more open with my T, and we seem to be making so much more progress lately as a result. Incidentally, I do have some maternal transference for her, too, but not at the level of intensity for my MC. (Though I do often worry she'll be mad at me for, say, e-mailing or calling...) It seems like I'm affecting her more, too, like she started tearing up at one session recently (which I've never seen her do!), and last session she told me that something I said about my experience in childhood really touched her deeply. (Hm, perhaps she's having some maternal countertransference...)

My point here is that it can really help to talk about transference and to uncover some of what's behind it. It's like you have to go through that intense emotion to understand and grow from it. I know some people on here have said that therapists often think of transference as a sign that the therapy is working--that the connection is there so that real work can be done. So it's worth it to face it and learn from it (even though it can be painful and/or confusing as hell!)