Hi Evi,

Just wanted to say hi and respond to your post a little bit.

It does sound like you are engaging in a lot of risky behaviors the kind of thing that people do when they are in a manic episode. However impulsive behaviors, like taking drugs and risky sex are also impulsive behaviors that are associated with Borderline Personality disorder . Which it is is probably important to sort out with your therapist, so you can make decisions on how you want to deal with it.

Meeting up with people you met on line and inviting home any individuals you just met also sound like pretty risky and or impulsive behaviors that could risk your health, both physical and emotional. You could be raped or get an STD. Or you could be killed. The "best" worst thing that could happen is that someone you meet this way could use you for sex and then you never hear from them again.

You are at a tough age. I know when I got out of college at 21 without being engaged I saw myself as an old maid. Now many years later and having a 9 year old daughter, I understand that I had plenty of time and needed to value myself more. I empathize with that naive 21 year old that I was who listened to what our society was telling me, instead of finding my way.
Most of us, including myself, have to learn at the school of hard knocks, and most of us survive, but I hope you will try and bolster your self esteem and put the brakes on before something bad happens.

If you don't feel like you can do this, you need to find a therapist who will help you learn to value yourself and set personal boundaries.

I know I probably sound very bossy in this message, but like I said I was once as young as you are and I have a nine year old daughter. I am hoping that the way I am raising her, she will have a lot more self esteem and willingness to take care of herself when she reaches the very difficult teenage and early 20 years.

I hope you will post again and let us know how you are doing.

Meta

Some of the old rules really will always apply, eat right and get enough sleep and use discretion on who you spend your time with. You are a valuable person and maybe you haven't found people yet who will support you but keep trying.