Sorry in advance for my English, it's my second language. Also using speech recognition is tough.

I hope no one has experienced something as frustrating as I am experiencing. Apparently, medical service where I leave is very bad (Belarus). Something that could have been solved has destroyed my life as I knew it. It seems like they are just lazy here. I'm trying to educate and self diagnose myself all the time, I read stuff from reputable sources and try to learn anatomy , just not to be taken seriously for 2 years and then find out that I was right about a lot of things. Now I'm hoping to go to Germany for medical purposes this summer but for that I also need some diagnosis or something to narrow things down just not to go bankrupt by checking everything. So the last month I was checking new hypothesis of what might be the core problem which started it all. Just to get dismissed in a matter of fact way yesterday. Although dr. might have considered one of my theories, I'm not sure, there were no explanations . and I was too shocked to ask . And that was the best doctor in this field in Belarus. And next time I can go to her in a month or so after seeing other doctors she sent me to . I'm very scared that I'm very much behind on deadlines concerning my trip to Germany. because bureaucracy and visa are going to take time. and if I don't go this summer I might never be able to due to circumstances. So I get a bit panicky and depressed and self hating and stuff. Because there are still things I can do but I'm afraid whether I'm going to be efficient enough. I also know, that if it won't get better this summer it's going to get worse.

So my question is to people who have been through something like that : how to keep on going?

I think I also am a bit scared of doctors already . because there were some procedures that went wrong and I saw no justice after that. So when dr. is about to touch me I feel like I just freeze and like my brain just stops. I also have a problem to stand up for myself to doctors, and to people in general . sometimes I'm able to but other times I just freez. that might have something to do with abuse I've been through as a child, that stuff is dragging me down quite a bit. It also have something to do with the fact that I lived in Europe for a few years . So, I still cannot adopt back to rough treatment people give each other in Belarus. Also, it's very hard to find a good therapist here , my previous one was condescending to me . so i'm in search now and not very hopeful, I might have to do without one.

Has anyone been trough anything like that and how to deal with it?