Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox
But then why would one have this tendency in the first place -- needing external approval in order to feel ok? Seems to me it has to be insecure attachment in early childhood leading to weak sense of self. The same pattern that leads one to suppress their own needs, including the need to express true feelings to a T or about a T -- to keep attachments in tact.
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A young child needs external approval. They internalize it as they grow until they reach a point where they are secure in themselves and won't be easily thrown by outside disapproval.
In my case I had a mother who needed a lot of external approval and she was sick when I was a baby and young child so she wasn't at her best. I provided a lot of her validation needs at the expense of my own.
Eta: I actually think it's a good idea to hold back in the T relationship. I mean, you wouldn't go headfirst into any other relationship in the same way that many people seem to want to do with Ts. Over time the feelings will come out, but you risk overwhelming the relationship if you try to let it all out at once. It's the same principle as breaking the bed springs by jumping all crazy on the bed.