thank you guys. i had tried to see a T, i went in and did the whole process of answering all the questions they need for background info. but the T was very short with me.. i felt like i made her uncomfortable.. and not because of the pregnancy info.. just in general which i thought was odd because people usually tell me im very pleasant. at one point she even told me "nonono its okay you dont have to say it" in a tone like she was cringing not to hear it.. made me feel worse about it than ever, because i was telling her about something that was super traumatic to me when i was a child. i scheduled a follow up, but it was my fault im very forgetful and i missed our next appt.. i called her that same day and left a message apologizing and asking to reschedule and she never called me back. it made me feel kind of rejected? a very weird experience.

you guys are really inspiring me to try a T again and im gona schedule an appt today C:

if i can find someone anywhere near as supportive as some of you guys are i know it could really benefit me.

also knowing that you guys dont judge me has given me a great sense of relief. only my father knows about what i did. i havent even been able to tell my closest friend.

Homeira, thank you SO much for sharing that with me... hearing that you understand what im going through makes me feel much less alone. and also i feel for you and would never judge you or anyone else for making the same choice.. so maybe i should try to judge myself less too.

Vital, thank you for the resource!

i cant tell you how therapeutic it was to write a recieve your responses. this post had to be reviewed and i was really anxious waiting to see how the content of the post would be received. i came home last night and checked to see if it was finally up and i had the first 3 supportive responses and i cried a little. you guys really have no idea how much this meant to me.