I guess one of the really big problems I have is with self loathing. I've had self loathing issues since childhood that I typically deal with on a daily basis, some days better or worse than others. I would just dislike/hate myself so much and feel so undeserving of anything and everything and even feel undeserving to live. I would say it has been a lot worse for the past couple of years. Recently, I haven't been really eating at all for the past week or two and I feel like it probably has to do with that. I did start on Wellbutrin a month ago and don't get me wrong, it is helping me. For the most part, I haven't been reacting so out of proportion as I normally do or take my thoughts to such extremes. It helps me in being able to function and get things done. However, it still doesn't change my general outlook on things including myself.

I always see and hear from other people and places that it all begins with me and I have got to need to change myself. Thinking from a rational perspective, I can and do understand that. But I have no idea how to change or where to begin. I've been like this since childhood so it has been what? Practically for my whole life. How do I even begin to start? And a little part of me thinks to myself, "What if it just ends up being all for naught?" I don't know how to feel personally better about myself or how to self love. I read all of these articles, resources, and experiences from other people but it just doesn't "click" at all for me. It seems like an unattainable goal.