It sounds like you have been severely hurt by your ex-husband. It will probably take a long time to recover from all of that. From what you have said about this current guy, I think he will be there for you as you recover. I hope that he tells you that YOU DESERVE TO HAVE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. I hope you don't mind my "hollering" that at you but that is something that I am not sure you are even able to hear at this time. I hope you find a good T to talk to about this. I think a good T could help you to recover from the he** of your previous marriage. Please be patient with your own progress no matter how slow it may be. It is okey to talk to a T. Therapy can be a wonderful experience if you find the right T (shop around) and work hard at it.
You sound like a very loyal wife and I think a man would be lucky to have someone who is willing to stand by their side as long as possible (when reasonable not when you own mental health is at sake).