I can imagine how this feels like, remember how it feels...
could maybe therapie be an option for you? Or are you still in therapy?
I needed proffessional support,..and I am glad I did therapy.
I know grieving is something nessessary ... but it will be over one day
and maybe after some time, maybe not yet, but one day you could think about moving into another apartment, starting a new life, your own life. I´m shure now at the time you´re struggling with pure pain and just try to get about the day... and maybe there´s no room or possibility to think about something like starting a new life now at the time, but it could be a perspective..(?)