You aren't depressed. You are bipolar. It isn't the same thing. They can't even be treated the same way. Anti depressants cause intense mood swings in bipolar people at a fraction of what is considered an effective does in a quarter of the time. I was taking an antidepressant that you are supposed to take a minimum of 75mg for 2 weeks before you get any signs of relief. I was taking 25mg every other day for 6 days and had to stop because I bounced out of depression back into mania.

Also- finding a doctor is hard. It took me 3 and I am very lucky. I'm trying to move onto my 4rth because my current doctor is incompatible with making me any more better. The first time I went in I flipped into a mania, so I was super chatty in that space, even though I had gone seeking treatment for suicidal thoughts. When I left I was low again.

That being said:

Keep a journal. Write down the things you are writing down here and hand it to your doctor. It is an excellent measurements of your moods. And being bipolar doesn't mean you don't also have PTSD or other issues. In fact, it makes this more likely. I have shy OCD tendencies as well that only show up when I am depressed.

Also- your depression is why you think keeping this a secret is a good idea. It's not. You have no evidence for this assumption but they idea that if no one knows it will all be better is probably an offset of your paranoia. For all you know, someone you know may be able to help you find a doctor who isn't awful. Or has a friend or a cousin or something that is also affected by this.

And working out is good. It releases endorphins. Frequent exercise (30 minutes of exercise that increases heart rate and breathing) three or four times a week can treat all depression, not just bipolar.

It really seems like you aren't working with a lot of information here. I strongly suggest that you start googling bipolar or pick up a book on it. If having the book makes you self conscious, lie and say it is for a friend/project/whatever, but you have no tools right now. You don't understand the fundamentals and because you don't have those you are having problems articulating this to a doctor. You are confused as to why you occasionally are energetic but still angry-mixed episodes- why isn't your depression just going away- because that isn't how depression works. It needs more than just talk therapy and not everyone responds to all drug types. I've taken 3 bipolar meds that did not work for me, but work for others. This isn't going to be easy. There isn't a miracle fix, but if you don't get the help you need nothing will get better. And you are in pain. You don't need to be.

And I understand how hard this is. I'm not trying to be mean or judging. I am scared for you. I remember how hard it was for me to find a doctor. I remember not knowing why I was depressed but that I also had amazing days where I didn't need to sleep.

Yesterday I learned that mania can cause heightened senses, which explains why my mixed episodes are so awful, because as an introvert everything being brighter and louder is one of the worst things that can happen to me. But now I know I can recognize this as a problem and even when I can't I at least know why this is happening and that it will go away.

Also- if you write things down you can cross reference them with life events. So under highs- write about your history with breaking the law. Write about being over confident and alienating coworkers. Seeing a doctor is hard and there isn't a lot of time to explain all the things. Also, ask them to refer you to a bipolar specialist. EVen if they don't believe you they will be glad to make you someone else's problem.

AND if you tell someone you can bring them in with you and make them fight with the doctor to get the treatment you need.

I wish you the best and hope things work out for you, but I am really really worried about how you are choosing to handle this.