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i know exactly how you are feeling, i have a similar story. this guy was a coworker and he had just started a new job. i had only really talked to him in passing as we didnt work the same shift. the weekend after his last day we ended up hanging out, i spent the night with him. i saw him a few times before i went in to work at night and i would go back to his place before he left in the morning (i used to work the overnight shift) we had maybe one other date, if you would call it that. things were still to fresh to label anything. friday night he calls me to meet him for dinner and a movie after he got off work. his new job is in another city from where he lived. when we left the movie we decided we would make the hour trip back to his place in our separate cars. about 45 min after we went our separate ways he wrecked his car and when he got out to see the damage he was struck by another car. i passed by it and thought nothing of it. i sat outside his apartment for over an hour before i went to the hospital to find out what had happened. his family had no idea why i was there (one of his sisters was also a coworker and i had briefly met his other sister) i still feel so guilty. a week after whatever we were started he was gone. he was only 23
you have every right to feel whatever you are feeling. it's shocking. it's sudden. it feels like someone has just been ripped from you, what could have been is gone. there isn't a day that has gone by that i havent thought of him and i fear the day when he slips from my mind. i dont feel like im entitled to feel this way either, but i do. obviously he was special even in some small way and made an impact for you to let him into your world. i think you're completely normal, you deserve to grieve and deal with his loss in any safe way you know how
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