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Apr 13, 2015, 08:05 AM
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Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 394
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers
I don't know why this happens sometimes. Now I've got two weeks to wait until I see t again. Well, not really because I'll see her at group, but it's not the same. Maybe I feel this way because I had so much I wanted to say but I wasn't able to explore it all within the hour, maybe it's because my t clearly wanted to look at getting my safety plan reevaluated and suicidal thoughts under control while I was focused on the other things, maybe it's just the two week break between sessions at the moment or maybe it's that my t is back from her break and my unconscious just makes up negative feelings so I can reach out to her.
I don't even know what the feeling is - guilt, a yearning, a sense of shame, something deep within?
What is this feeling? Do you sometimes feel bad after pretty good sessions - like you just really need your t again?
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I totally get this from time to time, for all the reasons you suggested, more and sometimes for no reason at all (or at least none I can pinpoint). We have discovered that shame guilt and embarrassment are very prevalent in my life, and if one or all of these comes up in session, I usually leave feeling pretty bad.
For example. A couple of weeks ago I finally told him I was attracted to him. Now part of me thought I’d feel better for saying it, but I did not. I left that session feeling physically sick. I don’t know if it was the embarrassment of the confession, the shame over (what is in our relationship) an inappropriate feeling, or feeling guilty as I have permanently altered our relationship.
But then last week we chatted about it in a little more detail which was exceptionally uncomfortable and brought back the same feelings, but I left feeling pretty good, and I don’t know why there was not just a difference, but a HUGE difference.
Also last week was left as a bit of a cliff-hanger, we have a lot to go back to. I keep like a journal of lists and notes of stuff I want to talk about. That alleviates the anxious thoughts of “but that’s important, I don’t want to forget about it or pass it over” etc.
Every few weeks, me and T have a couple of like a review or ‘check in’ sessions where we look at how the work and the relationship is going. Maybe try something like that? Identifying the feeling for me is step 1, it may not be the same every time so using my journal I look for patterns then talk it through with T.
I hope you figure it out 
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