I last saw my T towards the end of November. So nearly 5 months ago now! Didn't realise it had been so long. A week after I saw him I was admitted to hospital for three weeks. Then it was Christmas. And now he has been off sick since the start of the year.

I know he is back now. So I'm waiting...I've been told he will be in touch. And I'm trying to be patient. But it's hard. Part of me is saying he won't get in touch and doesn't want to see me anymore. And part of me is worried that when he does contact me and I start seeing him again that nothing will have changed.

I always feel like I am wasting his time because I find it so hard to talk. I sit there and shrug and mutter "I don't know" "yes" "no". I basically become a sulky teenager when I am there and then feel worse when I get out because once again I have achieved nothing. That's been going on for 2 years.

But now we have had this break I kind of see it as a chance to start over. But I'm just scared that it will be exactly the same. How do I become more open with him? How do I stop wasting his and my time? I want to do it right this time....