I'm so alone. My friend is saying he has no idea when he can visit again. And I need his help with a bunch of things! I am so down. I just smoked a second cigarette and now I'm upset about that too. At least I think I got that out of my system for now - wanting to smoke. But yesterday when the lights went out I was so rattled I kept looking for smokes instead of automatically reaching for my vaping thing. I didn't smoke yesterday but here I am smoking now. So stupid. I'm so alone. I wish it were all over.