I'm still sad about this betrayal every day. I cry about it all the time, and it's been 2 months. I'm mad at myself for being so stupid that I let myself depend on her so much for over 5 years. I don't get how she could care about me for that long, enough to be there for me constantly and let me depend on her an unhealthy amount, and then just HURT me. I don't get it. I don't. I'm so hurt and I get even more upset when I read posts on here by people who were also hurt. I think therapy is DANGEROUS.

The only reason why I'm ok working with the psychologist at the hospital now is because we talk a lot more about how to handle things and how to take care of myself and stuff... Not endless stupid triggering stuff like my fear of abandonment. I think about being hurt over and over and just can't... i start thinking about the fact that she WAS there for so long and now she's not. Even a year ago she never would have let me be this upset, she would have called to make sure I'm okay. I'm NOT. How am I supposed to be okay after she let me become so dependent and then just suddenly cut me off? What the hell???! I don't get how she stopped caring about me?? Even if she cared inappropriately, how do you just STOP?

I wish this pain would subside. I'm less suicidal than I was, but it still hurts so bad. Especially since I went in to end therapy with her Thursday and just left more confused. I don't know. I wish I never started therapy (ironically I went because my fear of abandonment was ruining my life).