all of a sudden i feel like im living life for nothing.

i mean im talking to a friend about high school. like we have before. but then i start to realize that thinking about im realizing that i think about high school and past people because im still living like im in high school and like im a teenager. because im like waiting for something to happen or someone from high school or me to get known and then be like "oh they made. i knew SOMEONE was gonna make it. i just didnt know who. or if it was gonna be me". im just like waiting for something to happen to someone. im still living like im in high school and idk why.

i dont wish to be in high school.
it was hell.
i dont wish to go back.
it was hell.
why do i live like im still a teenager?
is it because i never got to live like i was one at that time? because i really didnt. i feel like right now im having to grow up yet be able to live rebellious at the same time. yet this is the only time where i feel like i can ACTUALLY be actually both.

i remember that girl from my support group saying she didnt like girls her age because they acted like they were still in high school and i thought well (1) youre 21. you just got out of high school pretty much so expect that. and (2) you would not like me.

hey i try to be responsible here and there but i want to have as much fun as i can before i turn 30 and have to reallllly buckle down on college forreal. but hey idk.