My beloved father passed away on December 27, 2014, at the age of 86. I was his caregiver. We lived together for 55 years in the same house. He was my best friend and my hero. He had a lot of health issues, including CHF and chronic kidney disease, but his death still came as a shock to me. After suffering a major heart attack in the hospital, he was placed in Comfort Care. I watched him die from respiratory failure for 36 hours straight. I keep having flashbacks of his suffering. His loss is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I suffer from insomnia, anxiety and a tingling sensation in my arms.

For the first time in my life I am completely alone. I have no husband, no children, no friends close by. My relatives live far away so I don't see them very often. Almost every day, my father and I used to watch classic films together. For over three months I haven't watched much tv, because it makes me miss my dad too much. I can't listen to the music we both loved without feeling sad and anxious. I don't know anybody else who likes the movies and music which my dad and I loved, so I feel very isolated and like I have lost a huge part of my life. I feel haunted by the past; even the many happy memories don't console me.

I just bought a dvd that I think my dad would have enjoyed. It's an old film called "Cape Forlorn" which I didn't know was available in time for my dad to see it. I wish so much we could have watched it together. I haven't viewed it yet, because I'm afraid I'm going to be too sad without my dad to watch it with me. Every time I experience something good or beautiful, I regret that I can't share it with him. My father was the nicest person I've ever met. I loved him so very much. We understood each other better than anyone else. I feel like I'll never be as happy as I was when he was with me.