Hi there Songs --

I am confused by your post. I can't be sure, but it sounds like you may be young, perhaps in your 20s???? And that you are saying that you have gay feelings?

There is an old rock song about a young person seeking love, "You'll just have to wait. Love don't come easy, it's just a game of give and take."

I'm sure that there is someone out there for you. Have you considered talking with a therapist about your complicated feelings?