Dear T

2 more days. Lately I just don't want to go to therapy. I do want to see you, but I really don't look forward to talking.
Right now I feel bad. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I'm wondering if it's just too late. That I can't be helped. All these thought about me and how I see life, maybe they are too strong. Maybe they are too deep in me, and they can't be changed. Maybe I can't change. Maybe it's too late for me.
I'm afraid to talk to you about this, because then maybe you don't see any point for me continueing therapy. Because for therapy, to change, you must me motivated and willing to change. I'm I that? I don't know. Therapy seems like my only option. If you would terminate me, what should I do then? You are the only T I have ever trusted. I'm just so scared that I will say something that will made you decide that it's better to terminate me.

I just wouldn't know what to do if I wouldn't have you as my T anymore.
I'm such a mess. I'm so tired all the time. I can't see that I can change. I want to ask you if it's possible that I can get better. I know we have talked about this a few times. That just because things are like this right now, that they don't always have to be like this. But I'm struggling so much. It's so hard to believe that it can me better. Even after reading stories from other people who have been depressed. I just can't see that happening for me.
And even though I wouldn't know what to do without you, I feel like I'm so close to giving up therapy.