Of course you are worse. Using antidepressants to treat bipolar depression is like using cocaine to treat alcoholism. And bipolar is is fairly uncommon and hard to spot. It isn't surprising that your doctors missed it. Mine did too. So be easy them on them. Doctors are human and medicine isn't like on tv at all. That isn't saying they are off the hook, but we all make mistakes and depression is far more common. Looking for bipolar is like seeing hoof prints and thinking its a zebra in horse country. In your case it really was a zebra.

Have you ever had that moment where you see something in the dark and are terrified of it, turn the lights on and it's a sweater or a cat? Right now you are in the dark. Bipolar is scary at first, but when you have all the info it is way less so. And things start to make sense. You are no longer 'just crazy.' The light is on and the terrifying becomes more banal.

Where you are right now is the scariest place to be with bipolar. I know because I've been there. You are in the worst spot. It doesn't get anywhere more worse than having a diagnosis, no info, and no plan.

Plans are tricky, so get the info. It helps so much. It turns on the light.