Quote:
Originally Posted by Calista+12
We have lost both parents and no longer speak to the brother. All the family surrounding them is gone. The family home has been put up for sale. There were good times there...a secret hiding place, my tree, my special bench....now it's all gone. I can't remember it without feeling deep sadness and pain. Some inside don't know all is gone. ...or that the mother is dead. Everything we thought we had is gone, forever. There is nothing left. the memories are gone...the brief security is gone.... it's as though we never existed in the first place. Maybe we're all gone too...
We're blank...and numb
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I used to feel this way, especially after the family home was sold and then again after hurricane sandy when we lost everything our home, photos, clothing, almost everything was un savlageable after the hurricane. but one thing I have learned is people come and go, material objects come and go but memories are there for ever. you just need to find the way to them. there are many different ways human beings memorialize what was lost. Any time I lose something /someone I memorialize them/that in something that helps make me feel better and self nurturing to me in the way that the lost one/thing did...
example when I lost a camping friend not too long ago I memorialized them in a clay statue. i took some modeling clay and using it I slowly built a statue of the last time we spent together and etched our initials in the rocks representing the ones we sat and talked for hours on. now any time I miss this person get the statue and find a quiet place and talk with my friend/think about our time together. Sometimes I even make more statues to add to the completed one. example I remembered one day we watched some birds on the lake. I made some mini birds and when they were completed I gently placed them so that they were sitting on the lake.
I memorialized the family home with a woodburning plaque (piece of wood that I used a wood burning tool to etch a scene of the family home and property on) and the phrase I placed on the bottom was...home is where the heart is, not the geographical location. I am home where ever I may be. now any time I miss the family home I spend some time holding the plaque and sometimes updating it as the memories come.
my point is the memories will never be lost. they are somewhere inside you. its just a matter oftime and learning how to access those memories.it can be a bit challenging for those ike me who have dissociative problems but to me thats what makes those memories even more special to me.... I can remember the memory and I can remember all the hard work it took to reach them.
give it some time. your memories will come back to you when its time and you have learned how to access them in what ever ways work for you. it may feel like the memories are gone but the good thing about having DID is the memories never get lost or die. they are just locked away somewhere safe inside until that person is able to handle those memories.