Thanks all.

I met with T, and was way uncharacteristically bubbly and blabbering. I think she was shocked at how honest I was about a lot of stuff. This issue around session frequency wasn't something that came up though. She didn't offer extra time this week, but did offer that I could call her for a phone check-in if needed. She tried to assure me it wouldn't be annoying, but I told her I didn't believe her (I think this may have been a point she might wanted to have rolled her eyes at me, but it was a conversation as we were walking to the waiting room so she was behind me).

I think I'm kinda ok with that. I have some homework to do around some of the trauma stuff. That will be pretty involved, so I'm glad I have extra time to do it.

I'm really not sure what is healthy around my neediness. I keep throwing up walls around it so I keep her at arm's length again.

I don't think seeing her more times in a week takes away from the over-all number of sessions, especially since my time limit is roughly another 4-6 weeks at this point (at least, that's my internal goal for the move). I'm really hoping to accomplish at least something along the lines of my goals...

I wish I had talked to her about this, but I was all over the place at an almost manic clip (note to self, ease up on coffee in the morning when going to see T later in the day). I tried to bring some stuff up, but I kept being unable to voice the more "vulnerable" things. :/

We decided to just push through and do whatever trauma work we can get to. I told her I'd commit to showing up every week as long as she didn't bug me too much about how I was coping. I'm not sure she really liked that compromise but I was quick to engage her in another topic so there wouldn't be too much discussion around it.

Here's hoping this week isn't as dreadfully long as last week was, and that I learn to trust that T will only engage with me as much as she feels comfortable.