Thank you all for your responses! I do agree with all of you I will check out the book thank you doyoutrustme. I actually find myself telling her that I am not going to reword her negative behavior and if she would like to calm down and talk nicely we can discuss what ever it is she is flipping out about! She has some quirks that we have come to some compromises on like the fact she hates buttons!!! I mean I am afraid its borderline phobia she stresses about them so I told her that she does not have to wear them but she can not tell others they can't lol! I know school is hard and its such an adjustment and I have told her I understand she may be tired and cranky but so is mommy! while she was at school mommy was working very hard and even after she goes to bed mommy's job isn't done because I still have all the house work to do before I get to go to bed! And if she would like to talk about anything that may be bothering her I will listen and try and help her understand! this is how we ended up watching a 3 part national geographic documentary on how the world was made lol! I love that about her she loves to know how things work and that is how I try and teach her about attitude and how she treats people! I often will ask her when she yells at me are says not so nice things to me.. How would you feel if I spoke to you like that? I guess its going to just be a lot of trial and error learning how and what she will respond to!